First Class Etiquette
Our rules for a better flight experience – for you and your neighbor.
A belief system isn’t formed overnight. Not even on a lovely cross-Atlantic flight to Europe over a glass of Cognac poured at 2:37 AM local time (do timezones even exist at 30,000 feet?). A healthy belief system has a backbone in years of experience within a given discipline, be it the discipline of life or the way one should travel. We have no shortage of opinions on the latter.
May this list be a distillation of the First Class Jerk team’s years of frequent flying. And may the frequency only climb from here. In first class or in coach – travel well, friends.
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1. Middle Seat Gets Both Armrests
If you’re travel savvy, you know well enough to not end up in this seat. But you should also know to throw the middle seat traveler a bone. You’d do well to muster whatever sense of moral imagination you have and give up a little elbow room. It’s for the better of everyone at cruising altitude.
2. Turn Off Your Speakerphone
Sure, you need to take a phone call. We can’t outlaw that entirely. Go ahead and call your mom, call your son, even call your mistress – but fucking do it with some headphones on. And make it snappy. Hearing one end of a conversation while the plane is taxiing is painful enough. If you’re on speakerphone, you’re on the no fly list.
3. Dress Like You’re Going Places
…because, by definition, you are! Where has our sense of pride as travelers gone? Have we not the self-worth to dress the part? I can understand the desire to travel comfortably, especially on a long-haul flight, but do so thoughtfully. Nobody wants to sit next to you in your pajamas, for goodness sake.
4. Stop Rushing The Gate
This one’s easy. Wait your turn, people. Queuing at the gate like sardines in cans is a sickness. If it means some semblance of patience, this is the one time in our modern world that we’re okay with everyone sitting idly with face-in-phone, lost in a doom-scrolling trance. Call it a lesser evil.
5. If You Love Them, Pick Them Up At The Airport
And drop them off! There’s no better way to show that you care. Even if it’s an inconvenience, if you’re in a situation that allows it, always go out of your way to chauffeur the ones you love to and from their travels. It’s a universal love language!
